“I’m sure they are talking about me.”
“I know what people are saying behind my back.”
“I think she said that to bring me down.”
And so on…
Have you ever built negative assumptions, thoughts, doubts, uncertainties and suspicions about situations or people around you? Take a minute to reflect about what was going on in those moments. Now, how did you feel?
I’ve come across several situations recently where people were living with such negative assumptions.
The alarming part was how much damage they were creating: hard feelings, negativity, poor performance, disappointment, incorrect analysis, sadness, confusion and the accumulation of many other negative emotions toward others. All of that is a result of assumptions based on nothing, made in the complete absence of any credible or reliable information.
I always advise my clients to “clear your book,” and what I mean by that phrase can be summed up in one word: conversation
This simple action of summoning up the courage to face whoever you are making assumptions about, and have a conversation with them, is the path to peace.
It can make your heart happier, your life brighter and put your mind at ease. Make sure you face whoever is troubling you with good intentions, good manners and a willingness to listen to their side. When you listen, listen deeply. Be open on your end too, and share the things that led you to the thoughts and feelings you had.
With this approach, you will soon realize how wrong your assumptions often are. More times than not, they are the result of your own imagination, perspective or inaccurate analysis of situations.
These assumptions can lead to a lot of guilt and regret, especially after discovering that you have wrongfully judged the person. This is why nothing is easier than being honest and authentic, and nothing is simpler than being courageous and gentle.
So make sure to clear your book – and keep it clean.
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Featured photo: Unsplash
Sarah Al Bakeri
Sarah Al Bakeri is an Emirati mother of three began her professional career in information technology, moving on to public administration. But as Sarah has herself realized, in order to live a truly authentic life, following your passions is key. And so she trained to become a co-active coach through the The Coaches Training Institute.